By John W. Bishko
Hollywood’s a graveyard of good ideas gone wrong, littered with films that had all the makings of a blockbuster but somehow tripped over their own shoelaces. These cinematic flops often deserve a second shot at glory. A remake, done right, could breathe new life into these forgotten gems.
First up, let’s talk about The Lone Ranger (2013). Oh boy, did this one belly-flop at the box office. It had Johnny Depp in weird makeup, a budget that could’ve funded a small country, and a director who thought “bigger” always meant “better.”
The story of a masked vigilante and his Native American sidekick Tonto should’ve been a slam dunk. But the film was a tonal mess, ping-ponging between slapstick comedy and gritty violence like a drunk uncle at a wedding. Critics called it a train wreck, and audiences stayed away in droves. Box office receipts barely scraped $260 million against a $215 million budget, not counting marketing. Ouch.
To remake it, Hollywood needs to pick a lane. Is it a buddy comedy or a serious Western? A tighter script could lean into the chemistry between the Ranger and Tonto, maybe casting actors with real comedic timing, such as Chris Hemsworth for charm and Dave Bautista for a gruff, funny Tonto.
Ditch the overblown CGI train chases that looked like a video game cutscene. Focus on practical stunts and a grounded story about justice in the Old West. Also, trim the runtime. Two and a half hours is a long time to sit through a movie that doesn’t know what it wants to be. A leaner, meaner *Lone Ranger* could ride off into the sunset with audiences cheering.
Next, let’s dust off John Carter (2012), a sci-fi epic that crashed harder than a Martian spaceship in New Mexico. Based on Edgar Rice Burroughs’ classic novels, it had a Civil War vet zapped to Mars, fighting aliens and wooing a princess. Sounds like a blast, right? Wrong.
The marketing was as clear as mud, with a title that sounded like a tax accountant’s name and trailers that left everyone scratching their heads. The plot tried to cram a whole book series into one film, leaving audiences dizzy. It grossed $284 million worldwide against a $250 million budget, a financial faceplant Disney would rather forget.
A remake needs to keep it simple. Start with a clear marketing hook: “Civil War soldier becomes a Martian hero.” Cast a charismatic lead. Ryan Reynolds could bring wit and heart, and a director who knows sci-fi, like Denis Villeneuve. Streamline the story to focus on John’s fish-out-of-water adventure, with less lore-dumping about Martian politics.
The visuals were actually pretty cool, so keep the vibrant alien world but dial back the CGI overload. Make the action feel real, not like a cartoon. Oh, and maybe call it John Carter of Mars this time, so people know it’s not about a guy selling insurance.
Then there’s The Black Cauldron (1985), Disney’s animated misstep that was darker than a storm cloud and died miserably. This fantasy tale about a young pig-keeper battling an evil Horned King was meant to be Disney’s bold new direction. Instead, it scared kids, confused parents, and barely recouped its $44 million budget.
The animation was stunning, but the story felt like it was written by someone who forgot what “fun” means. It’s a cult classic now, but back then, it was a box office ghost town. To remake this dud, Disney should embrace its dark fairy-tale vibe but make it accessible. Think The Princess Bride meets Coraline.
A live-action version could work, with a director like Guillermo del Toro who’s got a knack for creepy yet heartfelt stories. Cast a plucky young actor for Taran, maybe Jacob Tremblay, and give the Horned King a bit more depth. Think less cartoon villain, more tragic monster.
The Gwythaints, those dragon-like creatures, could be jaw-dropping with modern VFX. Most importantly, balance the scares with humor and heart so kids don’t run screaming from the theater. A tighter script and a clearer hero’s journey could make this a dark horse hit.
Another contender is Treasure Planet (2002), Disney’s sci-fi spin on Treasure Island. This animated gem swapped ships for spaceships and pirates for aliens, with a steampunk flair that was original and cool. But it tanked, earning just $109 million against a $140 million budget. Why? Bad timing. It opened against Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. And marketing that didn’t sell its unique vibe.
The story was solid, but the pacing dragged like a ship stuck in cosmic mud. A remake could soar with a few tweaks. Keep the bold sci-fi aesthetic but go live-action or hybrid, like Avatar. Cast a young, rebellious Jim Hawkins, maybe Timothée Chalamet for that angsty charm, and a roguish Long John Silver with someone like Pedro Pascal, who can do morally gray with a twinkle.
Tighten the pacing, maybe cut some of the slower “character moments” that felt like filler. The solar-sailing scenes were gorgeous, so go with those with cutting-edge VFX. Market it as a swashbuckling space adventure, not a kids’ cartoon, and it could pull in teens and adults. This one’s got the bones to be a hit; it just needs a sharper hook.
Finally, let’s not forget Waterworld (1995), the infamous Kevin Costner flop that was more mocked than a bad karaoke singer. Set in a drowned world where dirt is gold, it had a wild premise and some killer action scenes. But the $175 million budget, insane for the time, ballooned with production woes, and the story was murkier than the ocean it was set in.
It grossed $264 million worldwide, but after marketing costs, it was swimming in red ink. A remake could make waves with a focused vision. Keep the post-apocalyptic ocean vibe, think Mad Max on water. Cast a rugged lead like Chris Pine, and give the Mariner a clearer arc: less brooding loner, more reluctant hero.
The world-building was cool but got lost in clunky dialogue and weird subplots (smokers, anyone?). A sharper script and a director like Bong Joon-ho could nail the mix of action and social commentary. Use practical effects for gritty realism, saving CGI for the big underwater shots. And lose Costner’s gills.
These flops prove that even great ideas can crash and burn without the right execution, and that includes screenplay development. A remake isn’t just a cash grab, it’s a chance to right the wrongs, tighten the screws, and let these stories shine.
Hollywood’s always fishing for the next big hit, so why not dive into the treasure trove of flops and give these underdogs a second chance? With the right cast, crew, and vision, these films could go from box office zeros to cinematic heroes. But I’m hoping against the relentless tide of movie-making fear.
Film biz suits always try to remake hits, not revisit those that failed the first time around. That’s why a film franchise has so many sequels. That fear I mentioned is the driving force, success is repetition of something that works, with new stories to extend the run until it ultimately fails.
Spend money to revisit the flops? I’m dreaming. Not gonna happen.
